BEST TV SHOWS OF THE DECADE (2000 – 2009)

Okay, this is my final 2009-related list. I was going to post my favorite TV shows of 2009, then figured, what the hell, I’d do it for the decade that just ended. Here we go:

TV SHOWS – BEST OF THE DECADE (2000 to 2009)

1. DEADWOOD (2004 – 2006) – David Milch goes West. When I was a kid, I hated westerns. Then I discovered Sergio Leone and Sam Peckinpah and realized that every genre has its masters. DEADWOOD is probably the best TV show ever set in the old west. Ian McShane as Al Swearengen is the sun around which every other character orbits. The entire cast is amazing. Other standouts include Timothy Olyphant as Sheriff Seth Bullock and Keith Caradine in an amazing turn as Wild Bill Hickock. I don’t think any show has ever used the word “cocksucker” as much, either.
2. MAD MEN (2007 – Present) – It’s amazing how this show seems to take us to another time so effortlessly. The early 1960s, New York Ad Men, and Jon Hamm as one of the most fascinating anti-heroes in television history, a flawed character that you can’t help but root for.
3. THE SHIELD (2002 – 2008) – All I have to say is Michael Chiklis as Vic Mackey. He was a force of nature. Never has someone made corrupt cops looks so exciting. From the kick-ass theme song to the great ensemble cast, to Chiklis bypasses anti-hero status and gives us a total villain who still shows glimpses of humanity and is one of the most fascinating characters you’ll see onscreen. Gotta love it.
4. DEXTER (2006 – Present) – Another morally ambiguous character. Dexter Morgan (Michael C. Hall) is a serial killer who just kills bad guys. During the day, he’s a blood spatter expert for the Miami PD. Another show that works so good because its entire cast is excellent. Each season has a guest star who shakes everything up, and doesn’t disappoint. In recent seasons we got Jimmy Smits as a politican who wanted to learn how to kill from Dexter, and John Lithgow as the emotionally fucked-up Trinity Killer, who Dexter tries to learn from, and then realizes he can’t.
5. TRUE BLOOD (2008 – Present) – Maybe the best vampire series ever. Based on Charlaine Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse books. Anna Paquin is a waitress in a small Louisiana town who can read minds. Vampires are out of the closet (and trying to assimilate with regular folks), and “tru blood” is a synthetic subsitute that’s supposed to keep the vampires from biting us – but where’s the fun in that?
6. LIFE (2007 – 2009) – Damian Lewis as a cop who is falsely imprisoned for 12 years, get cleared, gets a big settlement from the state, and gets his job back. As a homicide detective, he also investigates who set him up and sent him away. A great show that was canceled before its time. Lewis was incredible as a character whose life appears to revolve around zen.
7. TORCHWOOD (2006 – Present) – John Barrowman is Captain Jack Harkness, who has traveled through time (he first appeared on DR. WHO, and this show is a spin-off), is immortal, and who leads a secret task force bent on protecting the earth from creatures from other planets and dimensions. The show’s last short season (miniseries) CHILDREN OF EARTH, might have been the science-fiction event of the decade – a smart, scary story about alien invasion that gave us a completely fresh take on the subject.
8. IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA (2005 – Present) – This show started out a little awkward, and got better with each passing season. Four complete idiots run a bar (Dennis, Mac, Charlie and Dee). In season 2, Danny DeVito joined the cast as the father (stepfather?) of Dennis and Dee. There probably aren’t bigger idiots on television right now. Which is why this show is so great. And it’s turned into some kind of cult hit. And it’s funny as all hell. If you don’t watch this show yet – give it a chance!
9. BIG BANG THEORY (2007 – Present) – The only network sitcom on this list, and the best sitcom of the decade. Four highly intelligent nerds hang out together, and with the cute girl who lives next door. The biggest star here when the show first started was probably Johnny Galacki, who was previously on ROSEANNE. But the break-out star since is easily Jim Parsons as ubergeek/supergenius physicist Sheldon Cooper. This show is friggin hilarious.
10. THE WIRE (2002 – 2008) – Baltimore in all its gritty glory, from cops to politicans to drug dealers to newspaper men. One of the best written shows on television. Ever. It’s the kind of show you have to give a chance – and then it will hook you. Another incredible ensemble cast (something all these shows seem to share).
11. FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS (2006 – Present) – I hate football. FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS (based on the movie of the same name) is about a high school football team in Texas. Somehow, it’s also one of the most interesting and well-written shows on TV. Great acting and great characters don’t hurt.
12. CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM (2000 – Present) – Larry David (writer and co-creator of SEINFELD) gets his own show on HBO and proves he’s 100 times more obnoxious than George Constanza (who was based on him). David is one of the most offensive, obnoxious characters ever to have his own show. Yet, he’s also very loveable. Watching him offend and shock people is downright enjoyable.
13. LOST (2004 – Present) – A plane crashes. The survivors struggle to survive on an uncharted island. There are mysteries within mysteries, and every time we get answers, there are new questions. With storylines involving islands that move, time travel, and a crippled man who can suddenly walk. It had its good seasons and its bad seasons, but overall, it has been one of the most unique and best shows of the decade.
14. BREAKING BAD (2008 – Present) – Brian Cranston (the father on MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE) is Walter White, a chemistry teacher who finds out he has terminal cancer. In order to pay for treatment, and to leave his family the money to keep going after he’s gone, he decides to use his knowledge to make crystal meth, and ends up becoming an unlikely druglord. Terrific show. With standout Aaron Paul as Walter’s partner in crime Jesse Pinkman.
15. VERONICA MARS (2004 – 2007) – Kristen Bell as a modern day Nancy Drew with attitude, who’s also trying to survive high school. She’s the daughter of the former sheriff of Neptune, California, and she solves crimes. Much cooler than it sounds. With the coolest theme song of the decade – “We Used to Be Friends” by the Dandy Warhols.

Shows that just missed the time frame:

FREAKS AND GEEKS (1999 – 2000) – it only lasted one season, but this Judd Apatow high school drama/comedy was terrific (every episode was a gem!) and a large part of the cast has gone on to movie stardom since (including Seth Rogan, James Franco and Jason Segel, to name a few). I just wish it had lasted longer.

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (1997 – 2003) – By the time 2000 came around, BUFFY had already been on the air for three seasons, but it was such a great show, I had to at least mention it. I avoided this one for a long time because of the title (Buffy?), but once I gave it a chance, I became totally addicted. With Sarah Michele Gellar as the titular vampire slayer, and her “Scooby Gang” of friends, both human and undead. My favorite will always be Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg, who becomes an almost goddess-like witch at one point.

ANGEL (1999 – 2004) – The BUFFY spin-off, starring David Boreanaz as a vampire detective in L.A. He’s got his own gang of friends/sidekicks. At one point this show was even better than BUFFY (in my opinion), before it was canceled before its time.

THE SOPRANOS (1999 – 2007) – Probably the best gangster TV show ever. James Gandolfini as Tony Soprano, a New Jersey mob bossman who has an existential crisis, sees a shrink, and shows that he’s as flawed as the rest of us, when he’s not killing people in violent ways. A milestone series. Tony became something of a pop-culture icon by the time this show ended.

OZ (1997 – 2003) – This brutal prison drama from HBO featured everything from full-frontal nudity to vicious rape to bloody murder. If a prison was really like this and people were murdered constantly, they’d lock it down immediately. But this show’s another instance of amazing acting and great writing. And its another instance where a large percentage of its cast moved on to bigger and better (or at least more commercial) things.

XENA, WARRIOR PRINCESS (1995 – 2001) – One of my favorite shows ever just barely makes this list by ending in 2001. This story of woman warrior Xena (Lucy Lawless) and her sidekick Gabrielle (Renee O’Connor) was one of the rare instances where a spin-off show totally kicked the ass of the original (in this case, the original was HERCULES: THE LEGENDARY JOURNEYS, which seemed silly and juvenile in comparison). In some seasons (especially the last) the show got downright dark and brutal. And the two main characters grew throughout the show’s run. At first, Gabrielle was pretty much naive and useless – a girl who wanted to follow in Xena’s footsteps. By the end, Gabrielle was a seasoned warrior in her own right. With a not so secret lesbian subtext. This is the show that made me a Lucy Lawless fanatic. I just never understood the title. Xena wasn’t a princess. She was a friggin Warrior Queen!

2009 ODDS AND ENDS – MUSIC

I bought so much music in 2009, I can’t keep track of it all. And I tend to buy as many old albums as new ones. So don’t take this as a definitive list. But of the albums I remember coming out in 2009, these are some favorites (in alphabetical order). The ones I really loved are in bold.

AC/DC – Black Ice (AC/DC proved they could still write some great songs/they’re still amazing in concert, too.)

Ace Frehley – Anomaly (The last solo album Ace made was Trouble Walkin’ in 1989 – 20 years ago! – but this one proves he’s still got it, and that he was the best musician Kiss ever had/Too bad they lost him.)

Dinosaur Jr. – Farm (Good stuff from a long-time Boston band)

Eagles of Death Metal – Heart On (Another Josh Homme side project/another terrific band.)

Flipper – Love (First studio album in like 20 years) and Fight (Live album, released the same day) – as raw and vibrant as they ever were – it almost sounds like they never left. These albums also feature Kris Novaselic (from Nirvana) on bass.

Fuck Buttons – Tarot Sport (Electronic mayhem)

Hank Williams III – Damn Right, Rebel Proud (The most punk country singer ever, Hank the first would be proud.)

Jay Reatard – Watch Me Fall (Terrific album that reminded me of old school punk like the Buzzcocks)**

Lily Allen – It’s Not Me, It’s You (Yeah, I know, but I dig this album for some reason.)

Mastadon – Crack in the Skye (The new kings of metal – amazing album)

Metallica – Death Magnetic (Not their best, but definitely back in the right direction.)

Dethklok – Dethalbum II (Another great record from the coolest cartoon death metal band ever.)

Mos Def – The Ecastatic (Excellent hip hop CD)

Motorhead – Motorizer (New Motorhead/what else is there to say?)

Nashville Pussy – From Hell to Texas (Nashville Pussy at their best)

Neko Case – Middle Cyclone

Seventh Void – Heaven Is Gone (Type O Negative spinoff band/good stuff)

Sonic Youth – The Eternal (Sonic Youth continues to put out solid albums)

Them Crooked Vultures – (self-titled) (Another Josh Homme project, this time with Dave Grohl on drums and Led Zep’s John Paul Jones on bass – Best “supergroup” of the year)

Wilco – Wilco (the album)

**Note: Jay Reatard died on January 13, 2010, at the age of 29. He was just emerging from the underground and his new album was on several “Best of 2009” lists. Sad to see him go before his time.

NEXT UP: THE BEST TV SHOWS OF THE DECADE!

2009 Odds and Ends – BOOKS

Okay, so like a man cleaning out an closet he hasn’t used in awhile, I’m going to be posting some odds and ends to close out the previous year.

First off, books.

I read a lot of books during 2009. But I know some people (with names like Rhonda and Nick) who put me to shame. Mainly because I’m a slow reader, and I only have time to read during my morning and night commute on the subway.

I also haven’t kept track of what I read throughout the year, so I do not feel qualified to list a top 10 or something. But here are some books I read that blew me away – mostly at the tail end of the year:

DEPRAVED – Bryan Smith’s new novel about some people passing through a small, Southern town and get captured by the locals, who plan to use some of them for sex, and others for some kind of special “feast.” Sure, this kind of thing has been done before, but Smith has an excellent style that pulls you along like a big dog on a leash. He puts his own spin on it, and the book lives up to the title. The pacing reminded me a bit of Richard Laymon, who was the master of the fast-paced horror novel.

SUCCULENT PREY – 2009 is the year that Wrath James White became one of my favorite authors, and a lot of it has to do with this book, that took the level of violence and sex that you normally see in a Leisure paperback and turned the volume up to 11. Even Edward Lee is more subdued in his (more mainstream) Leisure titles, but Wrath takes no prisoners and goes where few writers would go. Which is why I loved it. Hardcore horror at its best. Also check out his new one, THE RESURRECTIONIST.

AS FATE WOULD HAVE IT – Michael Louis Calvillo’s second novel is about a chef who is addicted to human meat, and a girl who is addicted to heroin. Eventually, their paths are going to cross – it’s only a matter of fate. An excellent read that was one of those rare books that I really couldn’t put down. I even missed my subway stop once in the middle of it.

Yeah, all three of these are horror. And I recommend them highly.

Other 2009 books of note:

DON OF THE DEAD – Nick Cato’s debut novel mixed zombies with gangsters. Featuring characters with names like Mike “The Mozzarella” Greco, Thomas “the Pork Chop” Razolli, and, my favorite, Carl “The Calamari” Maestrinni. I thought I was sick of zombies, but it made me laugh. Clever premise.

BLACK BUTTERFLIES – Kurt Newton. Kurt’s a friend, but I’ve also been a fan of his stuff for a long time now. This novella from Sideshow Press is a very strange, and moving, love story. I really dug it.

CURSED – Jeremy Shipp’s one-of-a-kind novel is hard to explain. A group of people find themselves cursed in very bizarre ways and try to figure out why, and who’s doing it. Probably my favorite bizarro book of the year.

The only thing that bugs me is I know I forgot a lot of good ones. Hey, I’m gettin’ old.

***

Also in 2009, I discovered the writing of T.E.D. Klein, who, despite the small amount of books he has out, has become one of my all-time favorite writers. I got his books used (they’re criminally out of print). I read his 1985 novella collection DARK GODS (featuring “Children of the Kingdom,” “Petey,” “Black Man with a Horn,” and “Nadelman’s God), which was amazing from beginning to end and hooked me like a flounder. And I found his classic story “The Events at Poroth Farm,” in a very cool anthology called AMERICAN SUPERNATURAL TALES from Penguin Books (also featuring some of my other favorites like Karl Edward Wagner, David J. Schow, Thomas Ligotti, and Dennis Etchinson).

Right now I’m reading his only novel, THE CEREMONIES (1984), which is an expanded version of his “Poroth Farm” story. So far, so good. He’s got a very original style that really strikes a chord with me. He’s still around, but he hasn’t written anything new in a long time. I wish he would.

(UP NEXT – THE BEST MUSIC OF 2009)

FEAR ITSELF – THE LOST EPISODES

The Showtime series MASTERS OF HORROR, was an interesting concept. Created by writer/director Mick Garris, it paired talented horror movie directors with stories often based on classic horror fiction. The first season was above-average, with just a couple of clunkers, but the second season was very weak. Instead of going to a third season, the show went to network television (NBC) and changed its name to FEAR ITSELF. The change of location (and stricter restrictions on content) didn’t help matters, and it ended after one season on a sour note. A show that never lived up to its original promise.

Before it was cancelled, there were five episodes that never aired. The cable OnDemand channel FearNet recently aired them, and I checked them out. For the most part, they were business as usual, but there were a few surprises.

***

EPISODE ONE: CHANCE (directed by John Dahl)

This one is yet another riff on the doppelganger theme. Chance (Ethan Embry) is a guy who needs money desperately and brings an antique vase to a dealer. It turns out he was sucked into a scam (the dealer offers him much less than his original offer) and things turn violent. An antique mirror gets broken, unleashing  Chance’s doppelganger, who helps him cover up the murder. Which leads to more murders.

I thought this one was okay, but not very original. I expected more from the director who gave us the excellent movie THE LAST SEDUCTION.

For mirrors and dopplegangers, you’d be better off seeing the far superior movie THE BROKEN, now on DVD. In comparison, this is a pretty lame.

Grade: C

***

EPISODE TWO: THE CIRCLE (directed by Eduardo Rodriguez)

A scorned witch seeks revenge on her ex-boyfriend, an author (Johnathon Schaech) who is going through writer’s block.  This takes the shape of living darkness which surrounds a cabin in the woods where the author, his new girlfriend,  his publisher (and his wife), and his agent have assembled.  Some people die. Some people get “infected” by the darkness and turn into monsters. If it sounds like a riff on EVIL DEAD, I thought so, too.

But for some reason this one worked for me. The acting is part of it, but the main thing is the script by actor Schaech and Richard Chizmar. Despite not being a very original plot, the writing is crisp and the pacing is great. I really enjoyed this one. Definitely the best of this bunch, and maybe the second best episode of all the FEAR ITSELF shows, after Larry Fessenden’s entry, “Skin and Bones.”

Grade: B+

***

EPISODE 3: ECHOES (directed by Rupert Wainwright)

Waintwright previously directed the godawful remake of John Carpenter’s THE FOG (2005), as well as the movie STIGMATA (1999), so I should have known what I was in for.

This one just plain pissed me off. None of these episodes are particularly clever or original, but this one just seemed so clichéd and so overly familiar that it was annoying to watch.

A nerdy guy named Stephan (Aaron Stanford) moves into a new house, which was the site of a murder in the 1920s. Turns out the murderer back then (Eric Balfour) was Stephan in a former life, and the woman he kills (his flapper girlfriend) is Stephan’s current girlfriend (Camille Guaty) in a former life. Both the 1920s murder and the events in modern day begin to blur together.

This one was so damn predictable, that I just hated it.

Grade: F

***

EPISODE FOUR: SOMETHING WITH BITE (directed by Ernest Dickerson)

Urgh! This one was directed by Ernest Dickerson who gave us movies like BONES (2001). His name especially sticks out because he was responsible for some of the worst episodes of MASTERS OF HORROR, including maybe the single worst episode “The V Word,” which was about kids who stay overnight in a mortuary and meet up with a vampire played by Michael Ironside (who deserved better).

In this one, it’s werewolves. A veterinarian named Wilbur (Wendell Pierce), who everyone walks all over, has a bizarre “patient” one day. It’s about the size of a bear and looks an awful lot like a werewolf. Some trucker brought it in, saying he hit it with his car. While trying to save it, the creature bites Wilbur, thus turning him into a werewolf as well. Like in the Jack Nicholson movie, WOLF, the change transforms him not just at night, but when he’s human as well. His senses are magnified (especially his sense of smell – he sniffs everything! Which is damn annoying), and he begins to be very self-confident and assertive in his regular life. People no longer push him around. His libido makes him a dynamo in bed for his formerly frustrated wife. The family of the first werewolf come to pick up the animal’s body, and the vet ends up visiting them to learn more about his condition.

This one was just irritating. If this thing is a dangerous werewolf, then how did a trucker bring it to the vet’s office in the first place? Once he drops it off, he refuses to touch it. But if he hit it, he had to pick it up to bring it there. And why didn’t it bite him? This is just the beginning of the episode – and already it’s annoying as hell. Like most of Dickerson’s other horror-related work, this episode tries to be funny and scary at the same time, but he achieves neither very well. Pierce does what he can with the role, but Wilbur is a irritating character, and the rest of the characters aren’t much better. And a storyline about a murderer who desperately wants to be bitten just seems asinine. I really didn’t like this one.

Grade: D-

***

EPISODE FIVE: THE SPIRIT BOX (directed by Rob Schmidt)

I thought this one might be interesting, because I wasn’t exactly sure what a spirit box was. Turns out it’s kind of a home-made Ouija board. Two teenage girls , Shelby (Anna Kendrick) and Becca (Jessica Parker Kennedy) make one on Halloween night when they’re bored and get in contact with the spirit of a slain classmate. They try to unravel the mystery of her death, and reveal the identity of the murderer. There’s a twist ending.

It was a little better than the last two at least.

Schmidt also directed the so-so horror flick WRONG TURN with Eliza Dushku.

Grade: C

***

Well, that’s it for FEAR ITSELF. Rest in Peace.

Cinema Knife Fight On the Radio

Tonight at 10pm EST, Michael Arruda and I will be on the GHOSTMAN AND DEMON HUNTER radio show to discuss horror movies. Yep, the Cinema Knife Fight guys bring the column to the radio.

If you miss it, the show will be archived and will be posted on places like iTunes.

Come support your favorite movie reviewers! And have a few laughs along the way.

As always, thanks for your support!

My Top 10 Movies of 2009

Over at Cinema Knife Fight, you can check out my Top 5 genre films of 2009. But since that was only limited to 5 movies, and only horror/sci-fi, I couldn’t include a few other films I saw last year. So here’s my personal Top 10 list for all the movies I saw in 2009. I saw and reviewed over 40 films in 2009 (not including some I saw on DVD just for enjoyment). I think this is a little less than usual. But I’m still going to the movie theater fairly often. I don’t expect 2010 to be any different.

Okay, without any fanfare, here are my Top 10 in order, from best to last:

ONE: MARTYRS

My top film choice for 2009 was originally released in France in 2008, but didn’t see DVD release here until April 2009. I have no idea if it made the rounds of the festival circuit, or if it got a limited theatrical release. It should have gotten something. But most people here, like me, saw it in 2009.

It’s the disturbing story of a girl who is kidnapped as a child, escapes, ends up in an orphanage, and seeks revenge once she turns 18.  Her name is Lucie (played by Mylene Jampanoi).  The girl she meets at the orphanage who sticks by her no matter what is Anna (Morjana Alaoui). What unfolds is a tale of revenge and  madness, and then the movie goes in a completely different direction you weren’t expecting. The last part is hard to sit through. But that’s why I loved it.

TWO: INGLORIOUS BASTERDS

One of the films I couldn’t include in my Cinema Knife Fight list. Whenever a new Quentin Tarantino movie comes out, it seems to become my favorite of my films, at least for a little while (until the next one). INGLORIOUS BASTERDS is no different. It’s an terrific flick. With Brad Pitt (who is hilarious!) leading a platoon of Jewish-American soliders into Nazi territory to scalp and kill the bad guys. There is even an alternate-world plotline that involves the defeat of Hitler by way of cinema. Sure, it’s not based  on history, or reality, but it was utterly amazing. It deserves any awards it gets for its first scene alone, where Colonel Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz) interrogates a farmer in Nazi-occupied France. The suspense is so thick you can cut it with a knife. And if Waltz does not win an Oscar for his role, then he’s been cheated. Easily the best performance of 2009.

THREE: ANTICHRIST

Lars von Trier’s latest assault on cinema-goers is extremely dark and depressing. It’s disturbing and  gory. It also has terrific but gut-wrenching performances by Willem DaFoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg as a couple grieving over the death of their young son. DaFoe’s character is a psychiatrist trying to heal his wife’s pain, and Gainsbourg plays a woman who is descending into complete madness. A lot of the imagery is quite extreme, and it’s not for the squeamish. But for me, this is exactly what a horror movie should be. It should get a visceral reaction out of you. It should haunt you long after the final credits have rolled.

FOUR: TOKYO GORE POLICE

This one was an over-the-top, live action cartoon, with more than enough of the red stuff to live up to its title. The story of a special ops team in Japan that fights creatures that have mutated in extreme ways (we’re talking severe body modification here) TOKYO GORE POLICE is a lot of fun and features a terrific performance by Eihi Shiina (the girl from Takashi Miike’s 1999 classic, AUDITION) as the main policewoman, Ruka. I wanted to see this movie since I first heard the title months before, and it totally lived up to my expectations.

FIVE:  DISTRICT 9/WATCHMEN (tie)

Like in my Cinema Knife Fight list, I’m choosing these as one choice. My favorite science-fiction and superhero movies of 2009. DISTRICT 9 is about ugly insect-like aliens who get stranded on earth and are huddled into a ghetto in South Africa. A pompous human official gets sprayed with alien DNA and begins to become his worst nightmare. I really dug this one, and I think the spaceship hovering over Johannesburg will remain an iconic movie image for years.

WATCHMEN was the mostly-faithful adaptation of the monumental graphic novel (I actually read them in their original form as a series of comic books) by Alan Moore and artist Dave Gibbons. Some consider it the best superhero story ever written. In its translation to screen, it seems to lose something. I can’t quite put my finger on what. But it’s still a terrific movie. And one of the most adult looks at masked crime fighters put on film so far. Worth the price for Rorscach’s adventures in prison alone.

SIX: THE BROKEN

I saw this one after I wrote my list for Cinema Knife Fight. It was part of the “8 Movies To Die For” series from AfterDark Films that has been coming out the past three years, and it was recommended to me by Matt Schwartz over at Shocklines. I’m really glad I checked it out.

In THE BROKEN, the very striking Lena Headey plays Gina McVey, a radiologist who one day follows a woman who looks just like her. Soon after, she gets into a car accident and tries to put the pieces of her life back together. This one plays like a smarter, more adult version of the movie MIRRORS. Every time a mirror breaks, someone’s doppelganger emerges into the world, and the “original” person has to be gotten rid of. This one has a very strong “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” tone to it. Atmospheric, subtle, and very effective. (Not to be confused with another movie called BROKEN which also came out this year on DVD).

SEVEN: ZOMBIELAND

I thought I was sick of zombie movies. I guess I wasn’t. ZOMBIELAND puts a fresh spin on the apocalyptic zombie plotline. The movie has great characters (especially Woody Harrelson and Jesse Eisenberg as “Columbus” and “Tallahassee”), lots of sly humor, and moves at a really good pace. It even has a terrific guest appearance by Bill Murray as himself, who fits this movie perfectly. I just had a lot of fun with this one.

EIGHT:  THIRST

Chan-wook Park, who has given us some modern classics like OLDBOY (2003), turns to horror in the story of a priest (Kang-ho Song) who turns into a vampire after he volunteers for a drug study to save lives. He is torn between his vocation and his passions, which are now suddenly inflamed. Oh yeah, and he now needs to drink blood to survive. Enter Tae-ju (Ok-bin Kim), a woman who is treated like a dog by her adoptive family, who becomes his lover, then a vampire, and who revels in the new-found power this gives her. It starts out a little slow, but once Tae-ju becomes a vampire, this movie really comes into its own. The more I think of it, the more I think it belongs in the Top 5.

NINE: LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT

My favorite remake of the year. I am a big fan of Wes Craven’s gritty, transgressive classic from 1972, one of the most disturbing films of the 1970s, and saw no reason for it to be remade. But the remake is more like a crime thriller than an over-the-top revenge film, and it works really well as a completely separate movie, rather than a by-the-numbers remake. Director Dennis Illadis does a great job doing his own spin on the source material. With good performances by Garret Dillahunt (from the HBO series DEADWOOD) as lead bad guy Krug (even though he doesn’t come close to the menace of David Hess, who played the role in the original movie) and Monica Potter as victim Emma Collingwood.

TEN: WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE/DRAG ME TO HELL (tie)

Another tie. Spike Jonze’s WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE riffs on Maurice Sendak’s children’s classic and gives us a thoughtful, dark film that doesn’t’ seem meant for children at all. In my Cinema Knife Fight column, I mentioned CORALINE as my favorite kids’ movie of the year, and that says a lot about why I forgot this one. It seems more like a movie for adults. With big, hairy monsters with the voices of people like James Gandolfini (Carol) and Forest Whitaker (Ira), and a little boy named Max (Max Records), who learns about loss and growing up.

DRAG ME TO HELL was Sam Raimi’s first horror movie in over a decade. He’s been focusing almost exclusively on his extremely popular SPIDER-MAN movies, but it was great to see him get back to his horror movie roots. Like his classic EVIL DEAD flicks, this one has as much humor in it as horror, and moves at a breakneck pace, as banker Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) tries to get rid of a curse put on her by ugly witch Sylvia Ganush (Lorna Raver), who was arears in her mortgage payments, before she ends up dead. Both timely in our current financial straits, and a whole lot of fun, I really enjoyed this movie, which showed that Raimi hasn’t lost his flair for rock-em-sock-em horror movies. And this one has a talking goat. How can you not dig that?

That’s it for 2009. Right now, Michael Arruda and I are working on a Top 10 list for THE BEST MOVIES OF THE PAST DECADE. I’ll post here when that’s up. I’m sure some of the movies I listed this year will end up on that list, too.

MINI MOVIE REVIEWS

I’ve seen a bunch of movies lately and figured I’d post some mini reviews.

***

J.J. Abrams’ reboot of STAR TREK was one of the most talked-about movies of the summer, but I didn’t sit down to watch it until Christmas Day. Just about all of the buzz I’ve heard about this one had been positive, and I like Abrams, so I figured this movie would be a real treat. Actually sitting down and watching it, I was a little disappointed. I guess I expected to be totally blown away by it.

As it is, STAR TREK is a fun movie, and I think the idea of giving us the origin of how the original team met and became the crew of The Enterprise is a good one. Chris Pine was just fine as a young James Kirk, Zachary Quinto seems perfect as young Spock, and the rest of the main players (Karl Urban as Bones McCoy, Zoe Saldana as Uhura and Simon Pegg as Scotty) were all good fits. Even Leonard Nimoy as “Old Spock” was good, and justified in the storyline. The time travel/wormhole plot itself was kind of convoluted but you could follow it well enough, and Eric Bana does a good job as the chief bad guy, Nero,a Romulan soldier out to avenge the accidental death of his planet.

All in all a fun ride. But I didn’t watch it thinking, “This is Great! I need to buy this on DVD!” I can’t see myself watching it a second time. And while I think it was one of the best of the TREK movies (which is not that difficult – most of them are pretty lame) – my favorite is still STAR TREK II – THE WRATH OF KHAN from 1982, that’s the only one that captures the feel of the original series for me -  it just wasn’t exciting as I’d hoped.

A good, fun science-fiction film, but nothing spectacular.

***

Another movie that got a lot of buzz (this time on the festival circuit) was Paul Solet’s movie GRACE. This is another one that failed to live up to my expectations. A woman is pregnant (after two miscarriages) and finally seems to be bringing a child  to full term. Of course there’s a car accident to fuck things up. The accident kills her husband, and she finds out her new baby is also dead, but she insists on brigning it to term. Once the baby is born, she sort of “wills” it to life. The upside is she finally has a living baby. The downside is the only thing it will eat is human blood. Oh yeah, and the baby attracts an awful lot of flies! This was an okay flick, but most of its plot didn’t make a lot of sense, and it wasn’t strong enough to make me suspend disbelief. I even found some aspects of it annoying. If this sounds good to you, by all means, check it out. But don’t buy it – it’s a rental. And don’t expect a masterpiece.

Another horror film that involves a pregnant mother that I thought was far superior was the French horror flick INSIDE from last year. And I still think people should check that out,  instead.

***

THIRST is the new movie by Park Chan-wook, the director who gave us some recent classics like OLDBOY (2003) and SYMPATHY FOR MR. VENGEANCE (2002). He can be a top-notch filmmaker, so when I heard he had made a vampire movie, I was eager to see it. THIRST, is an uneven affair that involves self-sacrificing priest Father Sang -hyeon (Kang-ho Song) who allows himself to be a guinea pig for a vaccine for the Ebola Virus. Out of 500 subjects, he is the only volunteer who survives the ordeal and is instantly a celebrity of sorts (his “followers” see him as a healing priest).Sang-hyeon goes back to his priestly duties, expecting his life to go back to the way it was, but it’s not that easy. It turns out the reason he survived the testing was because he got a transfusion of vampire’s blood  (something that is never explained), and he thus turns into a bloodsucker himself. The symptoms of the virus return to ravage his body, and the only way he can cure himself is through regular quantities of blood. He begins by taking small amounts from coma victims, but is clearly having a moral dilemma with all this.

The vampire blood also brings out his suppressed passions, which include his overwhelming lust for Tae-ju (Ok-bin Kim), the wife of a patient he supposedly “cured” of cancer by prayer. While visiting the man at home, he becomes obsessesd with Tae-ju and eventually gives in to his desires, which result in her becoming a vampire as well.

THIRST is a little slow in the first half, and I wasn’t a big fan of the priest character. But once Tae-ju becomes a vampire, the movie shifts into high gear. All her life she has been treated “like a dog” – ever since she was left with another family when her own abandoned her at the age of 3. With her newfound powers, she no longer has to grovel through life and really takes joy in her ability to decide between life and death for her victims. Lacking the moral conscience that torments Father Sang-hyeon, she is able to fully enjoy her new “life.”

Whatever problems I have with the movie disappear once Tae-ju becomes a vampire. She  is a revelation and the main reason to see this movie. She is so good in THIRST that it’s one of my favorite performances of 2009. So, despite its flaws, I liked it more than enough to recommend it.

***

John Harrison’s THE BOOKS OF BLOOD is based on a Clive Barker story. In fact, it’s based on two of them: “Books of Blood” (which was actually the introduction to the BOOKS OF BLOOD books)  and “On Jerusalem Street.” But unlike last year’s MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN, which I enjoyed a lot, BOOKS OF BLOOD is a tedious experience.

I’m a big Clive Barker fan, so I was looking forward to this one (there actually seems to be renewed interest in Barker’s early horror stories lately – which I think is great). While it does have a few good moments, it takes so long to get there, that it doesn’t seem worth the wait.

Some paranormal types are exploring a presumably haunted house. A scam artist agrees to be their subject, staying overnight in a haunted attic room while they watch him. At first, he perpetrates a hoax on them, but as the story progresses, the supernatural forces make themselves known, and end up craving words all over his flesh, turning him into a human book.

BOOKS OF BLOOD focuses more on the supernaturally-charged atmosphere than any gore effects, but it plods along so painfully slow that I lost interest fairly soon, and found it a chore to sit through. Do yourself a favor and skip this one.

***

MASKHEAD is the new film by Toe Tag Productions, the Pittsburgh film studio led by Fred Vogel, that is best known for the notorious AUGUST UNDERGROUND series of horror films that look like some psychos filmed themselves going on a killing spree. Where a lot of their other films seem like extended, simulated snuff films, MASKHEAD actually has a narrative to it. It was written and co-directed (with Vogel)  by Scott Swan, who also wrote the two John Carpenter installments of MASTERS OF HORROR on Showtime (the episodes “Cigarette Burns” in season one – one of the show’s best episodes – and “Pro-Life” in season two). He also wrote the episode “Skin and Bones” (directed by Larry Fessenden), probably the best episode of the show FEAR ITSELF (which is what MASTERS OF HORROR mutated into when it went to network television for a season).

Toe Tag has done narrative film before (RESDIN TOWER in 2006), but I enjoyed this one much more. In MASKHEAD, two women, Syl and Maddie (who are also lovers), run a porn company/site and are looking for new “talent.”  We then get a series of auditions, that are followed by these people making movies for the women. None of the movies actually ends the way the actors think, though, because at some point, a musclebound guy called Maskhead (Michael Witherel) always shows up (his head is covered in bandages and there is a barbed wire grill covering his mouth) and kills them in brutal fashion. I thought the character of Maskhead was appropriately creepy and I found myself looking forward to his sudden appearances. The performances overall are pretty good, (especially Shelby Vogel and Danielle Inks as Syl and Maddie), and it doesn’t skimp on the gore effects.

Since this movie is rather extreme and would fall into the “torture porn” category (man, I hate that phrase), it is not for the squeamish and is not going to appeal to everyone. But I liked it.

The New Year Approaches…

Haven’t posted in awhile. Lots going on lately.

First off, I need to post some reviews for a bunch of flicks I saw on cable and DVD, including: the new JJ Abrams STAR TREK (yeah, I finally saw it), GRACE, MASKHEAD, BOOKS OF BLOOD, and more. A bunch of quickie reviews (at least) will be coming soon.

In the meantime, I need to work on the “BEST OF 2009” column for Cinema Knife Fight. I have a dilemma – a couple of my favorite movies of the year weren’t horror (though these were less than past years) – so I’ll be doing a list for CKF, and another one here that will include a few different movies.

I was supposed to review Heath Ledger’s last movie, THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS (directed by the great Terry Gilliam) this weekend, but it’s in limited release (just NY and L.A.) and didn’t come here. I guess at some point it has to go into wide release and then we’ll see it for Cinema Knife Fight. I was actually disappointed. I want to see this one.

I’m also on the fence about the new SHERLOCK HOLMES flick, starring Robert Downey, Jr. and directed by Guy Ritchie. The idea of Holmes as an action hero bugs me a little, but at the same time, the trailer looked like a lot of fun. So I might see it eventually.

One thing I read that totally ticked me off was an interview with director PETER JACKSON, whose new movie is an adaptation of Alice Sebold’s THE LOVELY BONES. In the book, the lead character is a girl who was raped and murdered and who watches her family from the afterlife, and it begins with a pretty graphic and intense description of the murder. In the interview, Jackson said he toned this way down in order to get a PG-13 rating. Why? Because he wanted to “make a movie that his daughter could go see.” WTF? So Sebold’s work is castrated just so Jackson can make a family friendly flick? I am in shock, because this is the same guy who directed DEAD ALIVE (one of the bloodiest movies ever) and HEAVENLY CREATURES (which was about two girls who killed one of their mothers, and certainly wasn’t sanitized for our protection). But supposedly his sensibility has changed now that he’s become a parent. Screw that! I have to admit, I was thinking of seeing LOVELY BONES and reviewing it, either solo or for Cinema Knife Fight, but when I read this, I decided to boycott this movie. Sebold deserves better. And Jackson has totally lost his way as a director.

I got some new ink. This time it’s the head of Boris Karloff as Frankenstein’s monster. Came out great. Since the 1931 movie FRANKENSTEIN was the first movie I saw as a kid that totally sucked me into horror, this is rather fitting. My artist actually traded doing it for some vinyl records I had, so it was kind of a Christmas gift to myself.

And I got a Kindle for x-mas. I mainly wanted it because I have piles of books in the office (we don’t have anywhere near enough bookcases or room), and electronic books sound like a nice alternative. I’ll still get fancy limited editions by my favorite authors, but as far as paperbacks go, I’m gonna be a lot more apt to read them electronically. But first, I have to get used to reading on the Kindle. and that may take a bit, because I’m just not used to it.

Speaking of books, I need to post something soon about Bryan Smith’s new one, DEPRAVED, from Leisure. This was one of my favorite books of 2009, and I finished reading it on Christmas morning. Very Richard Laymon-esque as far as the subject matter and pacing, but Smith also has a very cool style all his own. I definitely recommend this one.

Otherwise, writing a few things to submit for some anthologies that are out there, and then I really need to focus on the new novel. So I’ve got plenty to do.

Hope everyone had a decent holiday, and I’m looking forward to the new year.

WHAT HAVE I BEEN UP TO?

I haven’t posted anything on my personal blog for awhile now, and I’m sorry about that. I tried to keep this up regularly, but I’ve been devoting a lot of time to getting the new CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT Web site off the ground.

What is CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT? Well, for the past five years, Michael Arruda and I have been writing a horror movie review column with two scoop of laughs. This is unlike any other review you’ve read. It’s informative (we know our stuff), but also very entertaining. Kind of like Siskel and Ebert crossed with SPY VS. SPY from the old Mad Magazine.

What this means is that a lot of the movie reviews I’d post here are being posted there now, as well as our older CKF columns (from the HELLNOTES newsletter and our recent run over at FEAR ZONE), and of course BRAND NEW reviews when horror or other genre films hit the theaters.

Tonight, for example, I just posted a brand new review of James Cameron’s AVATAR.

If you’re familiar with the column, please check the new website regularly. Content is added to the site daily. If you’re not familiar with CKF, please come on over and give us a try. You tried the rest, now try the best – when it comes to movie reviews.

Just go to CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT.

In the meantime, I’m trying to figure out what to post here in the place of movie reviews. Let me know if there’s anything in particular you want me to address. And HAPPY HOLIDAYS to you all!

Best,
LL

Available Now: DARK JESTERS

OUT NOW: DARK JESTERS

Edited by Nick Cato and L.L. Soares

Introduction: The Ugly Side of Comedy by L. L. Soares

Featuring the stories:

- FOSSILIZED BRAAAINS by William A. Veselik
- THE PLAGUE OF GENTLEMEN by Matthew Fryer
- TONGS AND THE ROACH by David T. Wilbanks
- BLESS THE BEASTLY CHILDREN by Laura Cooney
- WOLF PLUGS by Jerrod Balzer
- HACKS by Sam Battrick
- PAPA’S GOT A BRAND NEW BAG by Robert Guffey
- CURSE OF THE BLIND EEL by James Roy Daley
- RETIREMENT by Rob Brooks
- DEADNECK WOMAN by Mark Justice

Available now from Horror Mall.

***

Nick and I are pretty proud of this one. After reading through literally hundreds of submissions, we narrowed it down to the 10 best. We hope these stories make you laugh as much as they made us.

If you dig humorous horror, then DARK JESTERS is the book for you!