The New Year Approaches…

Haven’t posted in awhile. Lots going on lately.

First off, I need to post some reviews for a bunch of flicks I saw on cable and DVD, including: the new JJ Abrams STAR TREK (yeah, I finally saw it), GRACE, MASKHEAD, BOOKS OF BLOOD, and more. A bunch of quickie reviews (at least) will be coming soon.

In the meantime, I need to work on the “BEST OF 2009” column for Cinema Knife Fight. I have a dilemma – a couple of my favorite movies of the year weren’t horror (though these were less than past years) – so I’ll be doing a list for CKF, and another one here that will include a few different movies.

I was supposed to review Heath Ledger’s last movie, THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS (directed by the great Terry Gilliam) this weekend, but it’s in limited release (just NY and L.A.) and didn’t come here. I guess at some point it has to go into wide release and then we’ll see it for Cinema Knife Fight. I was actually disappointed. I want to see this one.

I’m also on the fence about the new SHERLOCK HOLMES flick, starring Robert Downey, Jr. and directed by Guy Ritchie. The idea of Holmes as an action hero bugs me a little, but at the same time, the trailer looked like a lot of fun. So I might see it eventually.

One thing I read that totally ticked me off was an interview with director PETER JACKSON, whose new movie is an adaptation of Alice Sebold’s THE LOVELY BONES. In the book, the lead character is a girl who was raped and murdered and who watches her family from the afterlife, and it begins with a pretty graphic and intense description of the murder. In the interview, Jackson said he toned this way down in order to get a PG-13 rating. Why? Because he wanted to “make a movie that his daughter could go see.” WTF? So Sebold’s work is castrated just so Jackson can make a family friendly flick? I am in shock, because this is the same guy who directed DEAD ALIVE (one of the bloodiest movies ever) and BEAUTIFUL CREATURES (which was about two girls who killed one of their mothers). But supposedly his sensibility has changed now that he’s become a parent. Screw that! I have to admit, I was thinking of seeing LOVELY BONES and reviewing it, either solo or for Cinema Knife Fight, but when I read this, I decided to boycott this movie. Sebold deserves better. And Jackson has totally lost his way as a director.

I got some new ink. This time it’s the head of Boris Karloff as Frankenstein’s monster. Came out great. Since the 1931 movie FRANKENSTEIN was the first movie I saw as a kid that totally sucked me into horror, this is rather fitting. My artist actually traded doing it for some vinyl records I had, so it was kind of a Christmas gift to myself.

And I got a Kindle for x-mas. I mainly wanted it because I have piles of books in the office (we don’t have anywhere near enough bookcases or room), and electronic books sound like a nice alternative. I’ll still get fancy limited editions by my favorite authors, but as far as paperbacks go, I’m gonna be a lot more apt to read them electronically. But first, I have to get used to reading on the Kindle. and that may take a bit, because I’m just not used to it.

Speaking of books, I need to post something soon about Bryan Smith’s new one, DEPRAVED, from Leisure. This was one of my favorite books of 2009, and I finished reading it on Christmas morning. Very Richard Laymon-esque as far as the subject matter and pacing, but Smith also has a very cool style all his own. I definitely recommend this one.

Otherwise, writing a few things to submit for some anthologies that are out there, and then I really need to focus on the new novel. So I’ve got plenty to do.

Hope everyone had a decent holiday, and I’m looking forward to the new year.

WHAT HAVE I BEEN UP TO?

I haven’t posted anything on my personal blog for awhile now, and I’m sorry about that. I tried to keep this up regularly, but I’ve been devoting a lot of time to getting the new CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT Web site off the ground.

What is CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT? Well, for the past five years, Michael Arruda and I have been writing a horror movie review column with two scoop of laughs. This is unlike any other review you’ve read. It’s informative (we know our stuff), but also very entertaining. Kind of like Siskel and Ebert crossed with SPY VS. SPY from the old Mad Magazine.

What this means is that a lot of the movie reviews I’d post here are being posted there now, as well as our older CKF columns (from the HELLNOTES newsletter and our recent run over at FEAR ZONE), and of course BRAND NEW reviews when horror or other genre films hit the theaters.

Tonight, for example, I just posted a brand new review of James Cameron’s AVATAR.

If you’re familiar with the column, please check the new website regularly. Content is added to the site daily. If you’re not familiar with CKF, please come on over and give us a try. You tried the rest, now try the best – when it comes to movie reviews.

Just go to CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT.

In the meantime, I’m trying to figure out what to post here in the place of movie reviews. Let me know if there’s anything in particular you want me to address. And HAPPY HOLIDAYS to you all!

Best,
LL

Available Now: DARK JESTERS

OUT NOW: DARK JESTERS

Edited by Nick Cato and L.L. Soares

Introduction: The Ugly Side of Comedy by L. L. Soares

Featuring the stories:

- FOSSILIZED BRAAAINS by William A. Veselik
- THE PLAGUE OF GENTLEMEN by Matthew Fryer
- TONGS AND THE ROACH by David T. Wilbanks
- BLESS THE BEASTLY CHILDREN by Laura Cooney
- WOLF PLUGS by Jerrod Balzer
- HACKS by Sam Battrick
- PAPA’S GOT A BRAND NEW BAG by Robert Guffey
- CURSE OF THE BLIND EEL by James Roy Daley
- RETIREMENT by Rob Brooks
- DEADNECK WOMAN by Mark Justice

Available now from Horror Mall.

***

Nick and I are pretty proud of this one. After reading through literally hundreds of submissions, we narrowed it down to the 10 best. We hope these stories make you laugh as much as they made us.

If you dig humorous horror, then DARK JESTERS is the book for you!

A Short Piece for “Kill Brian Keene On Your Blog” Day

Well, officially the real day was Monday, but I just found out about it today. Just wanted to post my little offering.

****

Running across the back yard, trying to get into the house and out of the rain, Brian Keene fell into a hole in the ground. At first, he thought it might be the same hole Alice fell through to reach Wonderland, but this one was not as wonderous. It was dark and dirty, and had a solid bottom. He could see tree roots reaching out at him through the walls of soil.

The hole was just big enough so that he could not pull himself out while standing. He felt like one of those kids you see in the news every now and then, who have fallen into wells.

“What have we here?” he wondered as he stared up. Rain pelted down on him.

It was then that something moved in the shadows. First one, then two, long, thick earthworms, as long as pythons, leapt on him and entwined him with their bodies.

“The Gods,” they said, in voices that mimicked human sounds, but were clearly unnatural. “Where are our gods?”

“I don’t know,” he told them. “I’m just a writer.”

But the worms were not satisfied with his answer,and dragged him down into the mud. The rain had begun to fill the hole, and as he lay there, his face pressed against the floor of the well, the water level rose to cover half his face. He struggled to rise, but the worms would not let him.

“Our gods,” one said. “Tell us how to find our gods.”

He sure wished he’d had one of his guns handy. But these worms had captured him totally by surprise.

As the water rose, and the worms tightened their grips, Brain felt the life being squeezed from him. One worm constricted, and as he tried to gasp for air, his lungs filled with water.

When he stopped moving, the worms slowly began to nibble at him. Digesting his flesh.

Days later, his body would be found, bloated and abandoned, on someone’s lawn. Like a drowned nightcrawler.

* * *
Brian Keene is being killed off today in a number of blogs throughout the world. If you are enjoying watching him being sent to the Great Beyond today, perhaps you’d consider making a donation to the Shirley Jackson Awards in Brian’s honor. In recognition of the legacy of Ms. Jackson’s writing, and with permission of the author’s estate, the non-profit Shirley Jackson Awards have been established for outstanding achievement in the literature of psychological suspense, horror, and the dark fantastic. Please follow this think to donate. This one. Right here. And thanks!
Rest in Pieces, Brian.

*****
For (a lot) more Brian deaths, go to his blog for a complete list of authors who took part in this event at:
http://www.briankeene.com/?p=2790&cpage=1#comment-7397

Halloween Week Reviews # 5 – TRICK R TREAT & OFFSPRING

Halloween Review Week concludes, on Halloween fittingly enough, with reviews of two recent DVDs.

TRICK R TREAT

This movie was made in 2007, but was never released theatrically, and just came out on DVD two years later. In the meantime, the buzz increased the longer it was unavailable. There were all kinds of theories why it wasn’t being released. But one constant rumor was that this was a lost gem.

Now that it’s finally on DVD, I decided to check it out. And while I thought TRICK R TREAT was entertaining, I did not find it be any kind of lost masterpiece. There are some really good moments, but there’s a lot of stuff that’s just so-so, too.

Probably the best aspect of the movie is the acting talent involved. Some of the actors here include Dylan Baker (from Todd Solondz’s HAPPINESS, and lots of other stuff), Anna Paquin (TRUE BLOOD) and the always good Brian Cox (who was in the Jack Ketchum adaptation, RED).

The opening credits unfold as a series of comic book pages, and in this way it reminded me a lot of the classic George Romero/Stephen King movie CREEPSHOW, which I’m a big fan of. We’re shown the cover of a comic book called TRICK R TREAT, and then we dive into a series of horror tales in an anthology format.

The stories include: a fat, obnoxious kid (Brett Kelly, also The Kid in BAD SANTA) who goes around smashing jack o lanterns and stealing candy, but when he gorges himself on a bowl of candy left on the porch of the school principal (Baker), he gets his comeuppance. Another story involves a school bus full of disturbed children (they’re all chained to their seats) that went over a cliff 30 years ago. When a group of kids on Halloween in the present day play a prank on an odd girl, using the school bus story as a jumping off point, they get more than they bargained for at the edge of a pond in a rock quarry. Yet another story involves a repressed girl (Anna Paquin) who is wanders away from her friends during a Halloween party and is stalked by a killer vampire. Like the other stories, this one also has a twist ending (although the secret of who the masked vampire is is not only a disappointment – it doesn’t really make any sense!).

The final story revolves around Brian Cox as a grumpy old man who hates kids and who is attacked by a strange, child-sized monster who wears a burlap sack over his head.

The stories are told in a way where characters and scenes overlap (kind of like what Tarantino did with PULP FICTION), so that all of them are happening on the same night. Another unifying aspect is the sack-headed dwarf, who appears in some of the other stories.

Some of the stories are better than others. The ones with Dylan Baker and Anna Paquin seemed pretty cliché to me, and you can see their “twists” coming a mile away. The story concerning the ghosts of the kids who died on the school bus is better, but still nothing incredible (it reminded me of a kids’ version of one of the stories in CREEPSHOW).

Strangely, it’s the Brian Cox segment which I found the most enjoyable. I say strangely, because it’s probably the simplest premise. A man vs. a little monster that is trying to kill him. But somehow it works (probably because Cox is always so good in these things), and it had a level of energy I wish the movie had maintained throughout. If the whole movie was as good as this segment, I would have loved it.

Director Michael Dougherty does a decent job, and the movie looks great. It’s just that the script doesn’t isn’t as strong as it could have been throughout. Not a must-own classic, but certainly worth a rental.

***

OFFSPRING

The fourth movie to be made from a book by horror writer Jack Ketchum, OFFSPRING is the first of the bunch to have a screenplay written by Mr. Ketchum himself. And like the other adaptations, it’s a solid little horror movie. Ketchum has had a great track record when it comes to his work coming to the screen, and the sad part is that not one of these movies has had a decent theatrical release yet. I  had hoped OFFSPRING might show up in theaters, but after some festival showings it went right to DVD.

As a book, OFFSPRING is the sequel to Ketchum’s first novel – the classic OFF-SEASON -  about feral cannibals on the prowl in the woods of Maine. A feral girl who survived at the end of OFF-SEASON went on to create a new family of cannibals in OFFSPRING. Surprisingly, even though an OFF-SEASON movie has yet to be made, and the sequel got the film treatment first, it works just fine. Newspaper accounts tell us enough about the previous attack, so that we can follow what’s happening here.

The acting is good all around. From the family who is victimized (along with some friends visiting), to the kids playing the “monsters.” I found this to be a fast-paced, tight film, that grabs you and keeps you glued to the screen throughout its 90 minute running time. Despite the obvious low budget (the most recognizable face here is probably character actor Art Hindle as George Peters), director Andrew van den Houten does the story justice. Even Ketchum himself has a cameo in this one (as he has in all of his films so far), as a forensics guy early on.

Over all, I think I liked this one better than TRICK R TREAT (although the Brian Cox vs. the dwarf with a bag on his head is still killer), and but I didn’t think it was as strong as films like RED (starring Brian Cox) or THE GIRL NEXT DOOR, previous Ketchum adaptations that just seemed more powerful – probably because the storylines and acting talents involved were just more intense.

But OFFSPRING is a decent horror film, and worth checking out.

Halloween Week Reviews #4: The Haunted World of El Superbeasto

THE HAUNTED WORLD OF EL SUPERBEASTO had a long journey to DVD, reminding me a bit of the troubles Rob Zombie had with his first movie,HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES. That movie was rejected by its original studio, and almost did not make it to theaters. But eventually things worked out and the movie launched his directing career.

EL SUPERBEASTO is another Rob Zombie project that has been getting buzz for years, but never got released.  Now, finally, it’s out on DVD. Where I live, it got one midnight showing in a small theater before the DVD came out. Similar showings happened in other cities. That was the extent of its theatrical run.

So, after years of anticipation, we finally have a chance to see the finished product. Does it live up to the hype? Not really.

EL SUPERBEASTO isn’t completely horrible. It is what it is. A silly, “adult” cartoon in the spirit of movies like Ralph Baski’s classic FRITZ THE CAT. There are a lot of cartoon tits and plenty of dirty jokes. It’s entertaining enough, but nothing all that special, and definitely not the ground-breaking cartoon that a lot of people were hoping for.

Based on the comic book of the same name, EL SUPERBEASTO is the story of a world famous masked wrestler named El Superbeasto (voice by comedian Tom Papa), who has become a kind of multi-media mogul all by himself. He directs and stars in porno films, he does commercials, he’s supposedly loved by millions. He’s also a crime fighter, with his sidekick, the sexy Suzie X (Sherie Moon Zombie, who has the sex kitten persona down pat). The joke is that Suzie does all of the actual fighting, and El Superbeasto finds ways to avoid getting his hands dirty. Suzie also has a sidekick – her robot Murray (Brian Poesin), who is kind of a “transformer,” since he can turn into a car, a rocket, etc. He also has a mad crush on his creator.

The villain of the piece is the bitter Dr. Satan (Paul Giamatti), who grew up a nerd who had a crush on Suzie back when she was a high school cheerleader and El Superbeasto was her jock/bully stepbrother. Of course, El Superbeasto was the kid who gave Dr. Satan wedgies, so he became a super villain to get revenge. He has a gorilla sidekick who has a “smart screw” screwed into his head and gives him the vocabulary and manner of a high-class butler.

The plot, as it is, involves the mark of the beast (for those of you who forgot, that’s “666”) which, as a birthmark on the backside of one lucky lady, marks her as the future bride of Satan. Dr. Satan that is. If he finds this girl and marries her at the stroke of midnight on the day when all of the planets are aligned, he will become a gigantic demonic monster capable of destroying the world.

The mark happens to be on the butt of stripper Velvet Von Black, a trashy beeyotch who is nothing but trouble. Dr. Satan has Max kidnap her, and his plan goes into action. El Superbeasto and Suzie X have to stop him. There are also zombie Nazis complicating things (when we first see Suzie, she’s stealing the disembodied head of the Fuhrer and the zombies want it back).

There are some laugh-out loud moments, but for the most part, the jokes are just so-so. The characters are interesting enough, but this is by no means a great movie. If you’re a diehard Rob Z, it’s worth seeing, but it’s definitely a rental.

Comedian Tom Papa (who actually had a great, short-lived network sitcom a few years back that wasn’t given a proper chance) is a really funny guy, and does a good job as El Superbeasto. In fact, all of the voice actors are terrific. It’s the script that’s rather weak. I just wish it was even more wild and wooly than it was.

HALLOWEEN WEEK REVIEWS #3 – WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE

This is a movie I’d been waiting to see for a long time. Supposedly, when it was first finished, Spike Jonze’s adaptation of the classic Maurice Sendak children’s book, WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE, was deemed too dark by test audiences. There were rumors it might not get released. But the more I heard about it, the more I wanted to see it.

Now that it’s finally been released, I can understand the criticism. WILD THINGS is not your typical kids’ movie by any stretch. In fact, it could be argued, it’s not a kids’ movie at all. It just happens to have a kid as its main character, but the themes it explores are quite deep.

Sendak’s original book was fairly simple and involved the wolf-costume wearing Max feeling lonely and going to an island full of oversized monsters. It was about stuff like rebellion and loneliness.

But if the movie was completely faithful, it wouldn’t have lasted half an hour. So there’s a backstory now, and the monsters are much more developed, and have an awful lot to say.

Max (Max Records) is a lonely, hyperactive kid (some would say a brat) who doesn’t seem to have any friends. But he does have boundless energy. His single mom (Katherine Keener) supports him and his older sister, Claire. When Max surprises Claire’s friends by chucking snowballs at them, they chase him down to his snow fort and destroy it, leaving him crying in the ice. Then, when he goes home, his mother is enjoying time with her new boyfriend (Mark Ruffalo). Max feels neglected and angry and makes a scene. He then runs out of the house.

This is where reality becomes fantasy. Max runs down to the shoreline where he finds a boat. After sailing across a vast sea, he comes upon the island of the monsters.  The monsters are huge and destructive. They seem a lot like big kids. In fact, they seem a lot like Max. At first, they want to eat Max, but he tricks them into sparing his life by telling them he’s really a king.

The monsters believe him and make him their king – because they yearn for guidance, just like Max probably yearns for a father. He has them do fun things like fight wars and sleep piled up on top of each other. But eventually, the novelty wears off, and the monsters are restless again.

WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE is about growing up. Not just for Max, but for the strange beasts he rules over as well. The monsters are complex, fascinating characters in their own right, especially Carol (voiced by James Gandolfini), who loves to destroy things – a habit that often alienates him from those he loves best. Another monster, K.W.(Lauren Ambrose) is the object of Carol’s affection, but she leaves the group several times, looking for something more. Max does what he can to bring Carol and K.W.together. But there’s only so much he can do.

He gets the creatures to join together to build the ultimate fort, where they can all live together. But the monsters’ restless nature eventually ruins things, and Max gets to watch his own behavior mirrored in the others, and he grows in the process.

WILD THINGS will make you think and feel. It’s so much more than a children’s movie. It’s a solid achievement from a director who also gave us such recent classics as BEING JOHN MALKOVICH and ADAPTATION. Instead of collaborating with screenwriter extraordinaire Charles Kaufman this time around, though, Jonze co-wrote the screenplay for WILD THINGS with novelist David Eggers. It’s very satisfying and quite adult, especially in the tone of the film. These monsters explore issues of identity and mortality in their own strange way, and it’s a really interesting film.

HALLOWEEN WEEK REVIEW # 2 – ANTICHRIST

Lars von Trier is an acquired taste. Not everyone likes his films. Most of them, like BREAKING THE WAVES, DOGVILLE and DANCER IN THE DARK are actually pretty challenging for the viewer. Von Trier’s approach and subject matter is definitely the work of a true auteur, but he is no stranger to controversy. ANTICHRIST is no different.

This isn’t von Trier’s first foray into horror. His early TV series, THE KINGDOM, (collected as two full-length films for American distribution), may have been his masterpiece. It’s layered, fascinating, and features some really great acting. It was also the source material for the Stephen King TV series KINGDOM HOSPITAL, which only seemed to hit its stride toward the end of its run, and never reached the level of quality found in von Trier’s original.

But where THE KINGDOM is perhaps von Trier’s most accessible work, ANTICHRIST is not an easy ride. This time around, von Trier gives us some of his most shocking and violent imagery, and it’s far from clear and straightforward. But it is, in several ways, even more successful as a horror film.

It is broken into several chapters, and begins with a strange, slow-motion sequence where a couple (Willem DaFoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg) make love, while their child gets up out of his crib, walks around the house, and eventually falls from an open window.

The couple suffer from great grief after the death, as any parents would, but where DaFoe’s character seems to be able to go on with his life, his wife can’t let go. She has become emotionally crippled by depression and can’t leave their apartment. Her doctor also prescribes lots of medications.

DaFoe’s character is a therapist and tells her he wants her to stop taking all the medications, and he’ll help her get through this using therapy. She agrees. Part of the therapy involves the two of them going to a cabin in the woods where they used to vacation when they were younger. The forest is called Eden.

Once they get there, things seem to be improving, and she seems on the verge of a breakthrough. But this is deceiving. Instead, she slips into violent insanity, harming both her husband and herself. There are some pretty rough scenes involving stuff like genital mutilation (it seems that, since they were having sex when the boy fell, their very sexuality needs to be punished – and it’s pretty graphic). There’s also something about ancient witches who used to live in the forest, and there are animals who talk, in particular a fox who tells DaFoe that “Chaos reigns.”

Not everything in ANTICHRIST is clear and easily figured out. There are some aspects that will have you scratching your head. But there are also images that will haunt you long afterwards. This movie is not for the squeamish, but it does venture into territory we don’t often see in movies. It’s a powerful, transgressive film, and one of von Trier’s best works.

Halloween Week Reviews #1: PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

Kate and Micah move into their first house together. They’re engaged and in love, and it’s an exciting time. Too bad an unseen demonic force has decided to haunt their house.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY is filmed much like a faux documentary – a la THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, except instead of showing us incredibly annoying kids running through the woods, the characters in PARANORMAL ACTIVITY are at least likable enough.  I have to admit, I enjoyed BLAIR WITCH the first time I saw it. But I am unable to watch it again. When I tried to sit through it a second time, I was so focused on how irritating the characters were (especially the incredibly whiny Heather) that I couldn’t get into the story. So it’s one of those movies that only works for me once. PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, however, is something I could easily sit through again.

The movie begins with Micah setting up a video camera to film what is going on in the house. The camera appears to be on 24/7 (especially when they’re sleeping, so they can watch it back the next day and see if anything weird was going on).  At first, they think the house might be haunted by a ghost, and call in a ghost expert. But the guy tells them he is sure it’s not a ghost, and they should contact a colleague of his who specializes in demonology.

While Kate believes something supernatural is going on, Micah is skeptical. He wants to solve the riddle himself, and thinks the camera is the way to do that.

As things get stranger and stranger, we get sucked into their story. Clearly something is very wrong. And the movie builds on the suspense and scares as it goes along.

I guess I’m a jaded old guy, because I didn’t find it that scary, but clearly I was alone in that. Several audience members screamed out loud when I saw it. I did find it tense and engrossing, though, as you look forward to see what happens next. And it’s got a really good ending.

This was one of those rare movies that almost slid totally under my radar. When it first came out, I hadn’t heard anything about it. Supposedly, it was a hit at the Slamdance Film Festival early this year (an indie alternative to the more mainstream Sundance festival), and it didn’t get a lot of hype before its release. The title doesn’t help, either. “Paranormal Activity” sounds really generic, like a bad reality show on the SyFy channel. So I really had no intention of seeing it at first. But several friends of mine kept telling me how good it was, and I had to check it out for myself. In the meantime, it has grown into a cult phenomenon. This small, indie flick has even made it to number one at the box office this past weekend, beating out standard Hollywood fare like SAW VI.

It’s the little movie that could. And it’s actually a pretty good flick.

Check it out.

Dollhouse on Hiatus?

The Joss Whedon/Eliza Dushku show DOLLHOUSE is suddenly on hiatus until December. Rumor has it that the show is getting the axe, but they might still show the final unaired episodes then. This is really sad,because the show has been great this season – I guess it’s just been having a hard time finding its audience. The last episode, focusing on the character of Sierra, was pretty damn good. I think the episodes that explore character other than Dushku’s tend to be the best. It’s a great cast, and all of the characters are interesting. The funny thing is, this hiatus comes just when Summer Glau (the teenage terminator for the canceled SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES) was about to join the show. I thought that was a big deal. I guess it wasn’t big enough to save the show.